dear, otak.

u are prohibited to think of any unnecessary things tonight. no more stupid dreams for tonight please. i am sleepy and tired. i need my normal sleep back la sebab i have exam tomorrow. goodnite sleep without those dreams. so otak,tolong behave tau!

selamat malam semua.

i can say no.i can say no whenever i like.

fine.screw things up.

i'm not going to screw it up!

yes u will.

no i bloody wont!

u're living in a total fantasyland.

i! am! not!

you definitely are.stop storing up touble!

i'm not storing up trouble!

yes u are!

NO i'm no--- wait.ok.i messed things up lately.




LOOK. if u really want to know what IS going on,i'll tell. NOTHING is right since things happened. thats whats going on.

saying goodbye is never going to be easy for us. syam, its not even a day and i already miss you. hope u arrived safely in egypt.

the 4th day of raya

berbuka puasa on 26th august

i'm glad we spent your final days in msia together. take care syam.

my final exam will be on:

tuesday - 2.30 pm
thursday - 2.30 pm
sunday - 9.00 am

next week

wednesday - 2.30 pm
friday - 3pm

best of luck people!

kay ah. cani ah aliakama(real). u really want this kan. i x kesah u kutuk i. tp when u kutuk my frens,i think its just too much lah syg.final exam dah dekat. do u have any idea berapa byk dosa u buat semenjak berkecimpung dgn my blog ni? let me list it out.

1) menggunakan perkataan2 kotor melayu di blog2 orang.
2) mengutuk ciptaan tuhan dgn warna dan tahap kehenseman
3) menggangu blog org tanpa dijemput
4) membaca blog dgn perassan irihati dan hati yg penuh dendam.
5) watched porn time exam
6) memburukkan nama orang lain.
7) yg terakhir,berseronok ketika melakukan aktiviti ni sendiri adalah tidak bertamadun.


jadi,cmni lah.final dah dekat. since sume org tgh pissed off dgn cara u yg dah over the limit i rase sume org yg bace blog ni akan ckp yg buruk2 je pasal u. kalau anything happen to ur result,x rase takut ke? tuhan maha adil. stop viewing dirty side lah weh.its unhealthy la for exam. i takan doa buruk2 utk u.i tau doa org yg teraniaya cmni mmg senang termakbul.since i dok mmu,alhamdulillah god did gave me some miracle by my doa. i slalu doa, ape2 yg org buat kat i,bia la die rase balik sendiri satu hari nnt. i am not a good person indeed. tp i try my best ta nak kacau and ta nak kwn dgn sape2. u? u btol2 nak kwn ke? ala.sian u.. tapi cari la kat tmpt lain eh? pls?

i want you caldina baby

too much to ask for ke? ta kan..

I could honestly say

You've been on my mind

Since i woke up today

i look at your photograph all the time

These memories come back to life

And i dont mind

I remember when we kissed

I still feel it on my lips

The time that you danced with me

With no music playing

But i remember those simple things

I remember till i cry

But the one thing i wish i'd forget

A memory i wanna forget

Is goodbye

Suddenly my cell phone's glowing up

With your ring tone

I hesitate but answer it anyway

You sound so alone

And I'm surprise to hear you say

You Remember when we kissed

You still feel it on our lips

The time that you danced with me

With the no music playing

You remember those simple thing

We talked till we cried

You said that your biggest regret

The one thing you wish i'd forget

Is saying goodbye

Saying goodbye

yeay.its raya. my final exam will be on the 7th and syam will be going to egypt on the same date. so,little to cheer huh? sumpah i'm so stress out with my studies. tons and tons of cases,sections,acts and facts that i have to memorized. i'm so going to puke if i ever come across names like dalip bhagwan singh lagi! damn i'm so freaking nervous for this upcoming exam. can feel the tense of being a degree student. sumpah it wasnt the same when we were in foundation year back then.

enough saying. i havent fully prepared for my raya day. i havent buy any shoes for god sake. my kain baju kurung havent alter yet. i havent buy any jeans. i didnt even shop for anything! luckily my super mom had bought u know,some stuff for me. so i guess its not going to be dat bad lah raye ni. i'm thingking of going out tomorow. tu buy some shoes and clutch. dats the most important thing kot. kalau ta cane nak raye do. wawawa.

kesian budak2 mmu ta dapat raya tahun ni. the phrase 'exam2 jugak raya ttp raya' sgt ta bole pakai skrg. berani,gunalah. :P i'm going to celebrate,anyway.

maliq..seriusly by texting me whenever u went shopping and spending rm300++ of ur abg's money, u are not helping me.biatch.

mahuu raye!! wawawawa

bahasa ibunda

haha.geli hati melihat jane menulis: blogger yang menggunakan bahasa melayu kelihatan seksi dan menarik.

mahu cuba dgn sy tak?
mari!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oh ya rakan2 subang.berilah pendapat anda untuk tempat berbuka puasa jumaat kelak.sebelum itu,untuk rakan2 subang yang masih tidak jelas dengan planasinya,disini anda pergi (here u go):
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hari-jumaat

tarikh-26th september.

tempat-perlu bincang!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

setiap tahun adalah menjadi rutin untuk kami pulang dan berbuka puasa bersama.sekarang sy pasti ada yg mula berpikir "tahun lepas ade ke buke same?".sy sendiri keliru dengan aktiviti tahun lepas dan tahun sebelum tahun lepas itu.jgn berasa bodoh hanya kerana ini kerana ya,ingatan manusia ada batasnya.dan sy pasti kita semua membataskan ingatan tentang berbuka ini untuk memikirkan perkara lain yg lebih berfaedah.kroohh(pfft).

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tahun ini saya mengharapkan tempat lain selain tempat2 biasa kami yang bernama pondok pizza dan keni rojes (sedaya upaya memelayukan beliau).mungkin dapat memilih tempat2 jenisan terbuka yang boleh memuatkan kami semua dengan selesa.jika dulu kita ada gazebo.sekarang d'naina mungkin?atau apakata keluar dari subang dan ke tempat2 yg menarik.ya.saya faham sekarang pasti anda akan bertanya "ade ke tmpt lg best dr sbg".kita simpan jawapan itu sendiri.manusia bosan dengan semangat kita.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sambil berpikir,mari main enjit-enjit semut!

thank u note.
ya Allah.rase mcm byk sgt susahkan orang since khamis haritu.
here are some quick notes to everyone involved.

gha,
thanks bangat tumpangkan rumah.belanja everything and menjadi pendengar yg terbaik.krdt and dinner.thanks utk tshirt and outing to kl jugak.rindu sudah naik bus rapid hari2.hehe.kt syg gha hari2.lebih dari hari2.

zati n the other housemates of gha,
thanks tmpgkan rumah and laptop.

meer,
best dpt kuar dgn korg :P eventhough things didnt went as we planned.and the cuaca sgt panas.tp i had fun.berbuka puasa and all with u guys.

bali dan rakan2 meer yg lain,
tatau asal tapi u guys deserve this thank u note sbb u guys were involved in my drama,anyway.haha.thank u for making us waiting for hours.tp xpelaa..

pojid,
thank u for...em.your number.hahah.thank u for temaning me when they went to surau.i'm glad we meet.after about 3 years xjumpe.

dinee n nash,
em.it was nice to see muarians after dah lame gle xjmpe.it brought back the memories.xde kne mgene ek? :P

basirah,
thank u for checking out on me every now and then.thank u for believing.thank u 4 evrytg.

sara,
thank u for banking in money more than enough.thank u for being caring. and for berbuke tonite.:D

faiz aththayyib,
thank u for..em.just for being there when i feel the need to mencarut and to use bad words.haha.
we have things in common when it comes to our view of society.yeah!

fatin,
u know where u stand.

and to everyone else,thank you for the attention and thanks for being caring.i dont have any intention to make u feel worried.i promise i wont do it again.not in this time being atleast.

dear fatin

the only good thing i have in malacca is you,my other half and my future.
i've lost my other half and i dont want to lose you and my future. today,i went back to malcca just for the sake of my future and you. i want to study well here and make it possible for me to achieve my ambition and to make myself proud of me.i swear i want to be rich.thats the real aim of my life.i dont care what other ppl might say.

oh anyway fatin.
the purpose of me writing this to you is to tell you that i'm trully,madly sorry for what i've done.
i may not be the bestest friend of yours but what i know is you are my whole life.ever since we became close to each other,i knew that i cannot live without you.i can hardly breath without you by my side.the thougth of having you in the same room every nite make me feel secured,make me feel that everything in the world is going to be okay,make me feel someone's is watching me tru the night and for a while,make me feel at home.

this may sounds like craps to ppl who didnt know what we have been tru this two years.
it may sounds like another emo post of mine.but who the hell cares anyway.this is my way to express my feelings.dont tell me to cut the crap because i wont.

fatin,

we have been tru alot together.yes,i mean A LOT.its only 2 years but we have built such a strong relationship together and eventhough you are younger than me,u are like my elder sis.u pampered me too much at times and u took care of me more than anyone could ever done to me in this world.

but yet,i left you behind.
i dont deserve to be forgiven by any chance.its not you.it ws them.it ws the place.it ws the situation.ok,yes,i am running away from my problems.at times i thought i am strong enough to face everything here.but that day,it was too much too bear.i couldnt stayed much longer so i went away.it was my fault.it was nothing yours.you have no idea how much i cried all the way there.all the feelings blend into one.i didnt know where to run.

i needed space for myself.i wish i could bring you along but i dont want to kena tuduh with anyone anymore.i'm sorry dat u have to face this alone.untill now,i feel bad.so bad.fatin,i wanna thank you for everything.

thank you for always being there for me.
thank u for choosing me as your rummate.
thank u for crying all nite long with me when he blew evrtg.
thank u for holding my hand when i miss being hold.
thank u for the hug when i feel lost.
thank u for the kiss when u are horny.
thank u for giving a smile when i was scared.
thank u for cooking me dinner.
thank u for the memories of your car.
thank u for bringing me to pantai puteri when i thought i've lost everything.
thank u for teaching me to cook rice.
thank u for scolding me for being bad.
thank u for staying up just to listen to my story.
thank u for sharing the lauhgter.
thank u for believing in me when everone doesnt.
thank u for understanding me when the whole world was against me.
thank u for being just fatin.
thank u for everything.


i'm sory for being a bad friend of yours.i need you more than you ever need me.

fatin and i went to seremban. had an invitation from shad's emak for berbuka puasa and since i'm not in a very good mood we decided to spent a nite there. they said i looked terrible at times and i havent slightly moved on which i thought was very not true.because,i know i moved on.atleast skit ah.



the journey started at about 11 something,had to settle things in campus in the morning. fatin drove the kelisa all the way from malacca and we arrived at senawang at about 12 smtg.all the way from malacca i felt released.somehow,a little bit of stress had gone by the miles.



the journey to 'taman guru' was kinda easy.after all senawang is not that big nor busy.the 1st few things that came out from our mouth while entering shad's place was,'besarr gile' best gile'. shad was upstairs when we entered and we already make ourself like home before being told.


23.10.2008- i'm not going to finish this anyway.just thingking of posting it.its been in the draft since that day.it was a memorable journey.

i tried to lie. but they acknowledged everything.

you... :(

since sume org tgh in a sad mood,jom post gmbr! lol.

instead of looking all good and noice,why not look silly?

the fatin's version

dah2.get back to normal

p/s-gimme back my smile.and my heart .sampai hati:(

bye you

finally,everything sudah come to an end.

Is it truly possible to be in love with two people at the same time? or is that just something people say when they're afraid to admit how they truly feel?enough to make you feel that you cant even choose to be with one .its a horrible fact as you could infact lose two people at the same time. how do you choose and let the other loved person down. its like choosing witch arm to chop off. you need them both for different things.

the only answer that i am trying to confirm is that its possibly the most heart rendering experience of anyone life. atleast,it is for me.we've known eachother for a very short term.but somehow,the memories distracted my daily life.i have a confession to make.i regreted each and everyday i've spent with you.the most ironic part, i regreted the fact that i've known u.its like,only two month.kalau xkenal pon xpe.xde la membebankan sgt.u gained my respect for being honest.thats for sure.

atleast dont ever think that i expected it to be not more than just frens.that was because deep inside i feel insecured.dont blame me for that.atleast dont make such an alasan.
i have trust issues and the biggest regret of all was putting my trust on u.and it wasnt just trust.it was love.watever it is,i'm happy i back off.

Bottom line, I stopped acting.i think i have made the right thing.this is another chapter of my life.its a good experience indeed.

lets post some randoms thought.

if you think i am like any other ordinary people who can easily get jealous and merajuk with small2 things,u are so wrong. i am sensitive.more than u realised. things that org lain rase is not a big issue,sometimes gave the biggest impact to me.deal with it lah kan.i'm not boasting around with my sensitiveness. i am not proud of it at all.

i think this whole ptptn thing is a crap.cut the crap lah wahai kerajaan.i've been leaving around the people who is involve with this loan system.me,myself have been following and temaning fatin everywhere to settle her ptptn from the very beggining.bende ni sgtlah menyusahkan pelajar.getting the stamp and signature from the school itself is not an easy task.imagine if we are leaving in melaka and our former school is at kelantan.and imagine we accidently forgot to 'cop' one of the precious ppr,(it was a lot of it in the envelope i tell u) then wat? kene balik all the way to kelantan balik? pfft. i heard about ppl ulang alik balik rumah to settle things.yg dkt2 xpelah gak.not to mention about the loan they gave. some of my fren didnt even get full loan.afta all the hustle and bus tickects they paid for 'cop'.sape nak byr balik? not to forget, the payment basis that can easily increase whenever they the goverment feel like it.yeay. go2 kerajaan!


oh.speaking about kerajaan,its not too late for me to just write a short post about 2009 budget kan.some of the budget really distracted my kepala otak.funniest thing of all,they announced theres no need for citizen to make any payment for electricity bill under rm20 .yeay! long live kerajaan! little to cheer huh? cmon lah. think about it.u tell me who the hell gune electric less thn rm20 a MONTH? on the other hand i think selangor's pkr is doing their job, good.so far so good i'd say.tp not to puji much,we'll see the development later ye.

girls,show to the world that we have the girl power.fucked up all those retards that have been burdening our mind and soul,namely-men.omg.i sounds sexist! trust me i'm not. but in times like this,when most of the girls lost their power to men, i think i should speak up.hahah.ye2 je.

dah lah.i've lost my sense of randomness.wek.love2.bye

Ya Allah.
ampunilah dosa ibubapa ku.
sayangilah mereka seperti yang mereka sayang aku sewaktu aku kecil dulu.
kau ambillah nyawa ku sebelum ahli keluarga ku.
lindungilah kami dari dianiaya manusia,jin,syaitan dan makhluk halus.
golongkanlah kami di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku
bijak dan pandaikanlah aku dalam pelajaran.
tabahkanlah hati aku dalam segala perkara yang aku lalui.
lindungi aku daripada dimusuhi sebaliknya biarlah semua orang menyukai,menyintai dan menyenangi diriku.

Ya Allah.
kuatkanlah imanku dan dia.
kau tunjukkanlah kebenaran padaku ya Allah.
berikan aku kekuatan untuk memberi dan menerima.
kau tunjukkanlah jalan yang benar.
aku rela kau ambil dia jauh dariku jika dia untuk orang lain.

Ya Allah.
janganlah panjangkan umur aku lebih dari ahli keluargaku.
janganlah biar aku cinta sesuatu lebih dari mu.
janganlah biar aku menjadi lemah dari yang aku mampu.
janganlah berhenti mengujiku Ya Allah.

Ya Allah.
ampunkan dosaku yang selalu meletakkan sesuatu lebih darimu Ya Allah.
ampunkan dosa-dosa ku,ibu bapaku,adik beradikku,kaum keluargaku dan seluruh umat islam ya Allah.

amin ya rabbal alamin



happr ramadhan dear readers

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
married

2) Are you a vegetarian?
i wish

3) Do you believe in Heaven?
yes

4) Have you ever come close to dying?
yeahhh

5) What were u doing 8.00 this morning?
isabela's class

6) Favorite time of day?
nite

7) Do you mind dating someone of the same sex?
i dont.:)

8)Do you wear makeup?
haha.no.only on official ceremony

9) Ever have plastic surgery?
no

10) Do you color your hair?
no

11) What do you wear to bed?
anything cormfy

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
lots of things in the past,several things in present.hehe

13) Can you roll your tongue?
ala.takk.

14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
erk no

15) What kind of sneakers?
anything nice n cormfy

16) What is something you are excited about?
going back to subang this weekend (again)

17) What is your Hair color?
black

18) Do you talk a lot?
yes.hehe.but sombong at times.

19) Do you snore?
tak kot.ask fatin

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
subang

21) Do you sleep with animals?
yeah.its fatin.:)) HAHAHA

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
if i'm insane enough to play,then i'll definitely will buy a car when i won.

23) Gold or silver?
silver

24) Hamburger or hot dog?
none

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
nasi.je.hehe

26) City, beach or country?
subang.:D (annoyed huh?)

27) What was the last thing you touched?
lappies.duhh

28) Where did you eat last?
d'nangka

29) When is the last time you cried?
last week

30) Do you read blogs?
yes!

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
without my tudung? no,definitely no.

32) Is there anyone you like right now?
yeahh

33) What’s your favorite shampoo conditioner and soap?
sunsilk for both

34) Do you talk in your sleep?
fatin said no

35) Are you popular?
no lah

36) Are you currently depressed?
no.not yet for this week atleast.

39) Ever met anyone famous?
yeah2

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
not yet.long way to go

41) Who is the rudest person in your life?
i'll skip this

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
oprah

43) Basketball or Football?
basketball i miss.huhuhu

44) How long do your showers last?
not sure

45) Automatic or do you drive a stick?
auto

46) Cake or ice cream?
cakes!

47) Are you self-conscious?
yeaahh

4 Do you care what people think?
patheticly,yes.

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?
mestilah

50) Have you been in love?
been in love,still in love.forever with my frens and family.

51) Where do you wish you were?
no where

52) Have you rejected someone?
yes

LAYER 1 : ON THE OUTSIDE
Name : siti aliah kamaruddin
Birth Date : 15/06/1989
Current Status : single and invisible
Eye color : white.hehe
Righty of lefty : righty.


LAYER 2 : ON THE INSIDEMy
Heritage : Malay.tah.i dont give a damn
My Fears : myself
My Weaknesses : feeling of being left out
My Perfect Pizza : thai seafood!

LAYER 3 : YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
My thoughts first waking up : things happened yesterday
My most missed memory : took bath with my kakak.:)

LAYER 4 : MY PICK
Pepsi or Coke : Coke
McDonald or Burger King : mcd kot.none actually
Single or grouped dates : groups
Adidas or Nike : nike
Tea or Nestea : tea
Chocolate or Vanilla : chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee : none.i dont drink any kinds of coffee.except for latte lh.

LAYER 5 : DO YOU…
Smoke : no
Curse : every second
Take a shower : yes lah
Have a crush : yes
Think you’ve been in love : yeahh
Go to school : not anymore
Want to get married : to sounds normal, i'd say yes
Believe in yourself : depends on circumstances

LAYER 6 : IN THE PAST
Alcohol : yes,tasted a perfume before.ngah.haha
Gone to the mall : like,who havent?
Been on stage : yes.
Eaten sushi : yess.loving every bite
Dyed your hair :no

LAYER 7 : HAVE YOU EVER
Played a stripping game : i wish.haha
Changed who you were to fit in : they changed to fits me :P:P

LAYER 8 : AGE YOU’RE HOPING…
To be married : n/a

LAYER 9 : IN A GUY…
Best eye color : your colour
Best hair color : yours
Short hair or long hair : short
Best height : i dont mind
Attitude : well behave

LAYER10 : WHAT WERE YOU DOING…
A minute ago : typing answers
Hour ago : reading blogs
4.5 hours ago : tido
Year ago : who the hell cares anyway

LAYER 11 : FINISH THE SENTENCES…
I love: myself
I feel : nothing
I hate : what i hide
I hide : what i feel
I miss : my frens and kakak
I need : to kick my butt of to study for constitution

LAYER 12 : TAGGING 5 PEOPLE
fatin amanina
batchiwa
naadira
nina rahim
you

12hours

217km

I understand now why people do not go to sleep just looking at their other half breathing slowly and sleep through their dreams.

i'm trying so hard to write.but i dunno whats happening.i cant write.this whole thing doesnt feels right at all.

Ya Allah.i need your guidance.if this is all wrong,pls put an end to it before it even begin.
show me the truth before things happen.